SccopGods.com: Editors at Sass Magazine know a hot thing when they see it and right now, they are sizzling around earthquakes.

"Oh my god, earthquakes are so amazingly hot right now," said Bessy Wrangler, Sass' managing editor. "They're popping up all over and triggering some great, grimy and inspiring fashion."

Specifically, this year's devastating earthquakes in Haiti and Chile have the fashion world melting with envy as designers clamor to see the looks that have sprouted from the crumbling hotspots.  

"Oh my god, they have some of the best looks I've ever seen," added Joe Dockers, Fashion Director at the magazine.  "The style is just so raw, and filthy, and hot!  Oh my god!  I simply think that what they're doing in Chile and Haiti is going to transform this industry."

Already, many of the world's top designers are busying working on earthquake-inspired looks for the upcoming spring shows.  

"Oh my god! I am soooo excited about some of the looks we've literally nabbed from the earthquake lucky duckies," said Tom Walmarty, a leading fashion designer. "Oh my god, we are going to have so much fun dressing up the models, giving them a startled and bewildered look and having them strut down the runway. Oh my god! I imaging having like fake boulders and other debris that the models will have to glide around."

Some people outside of the fashion world are concerned with an overall sense of contentment and lack of compassion within the industry. 

"Oh, I just think that those fashion types are just mean," said suburban housewife, Janet Long.  "They take a disaster and make it into something that benefits them.  But I have to go, there is a hot sale of designer purses just about to start."  

The inspiration.The fashion.The inspiration.The fashion.Paula Poundstone, the world's leader in anti-fashion has initiated the creation of a group of concerned citizens, named Don't Quake Take.  Their goal is to disrupt any fashion show that is centered around the earthquake look.  

"I plan to take over the runway and pass on a message of sensitivity and caring throughPoundstone briefs a room of reporters - stand up syle clever wit and observational genius," said Poundstone as she rummaged through the slacks section at a Men's Warehouse. "It is important to me to pass this message on to the people who ruin this world by caring about things that don't matter.  Things like fashion and men! I will have them laughing and eating out of my hand by night's end!"

New York's fashion elite claim to not give a shit.

"Oh my god!  Paula Poundstone, although seen as a strong and confident woman who's adored by many of the lesbians in this town, she won't bother us a bit," stated Ford. "I've got friends who own Men's Warehouses's in NYC and I'm just going to have them send her some coupons that are good for the night of my show only!  You're going to like the way we look.  I guarantee it!" 

ScoopGods.com - Federal authorities were shocked to learn that Spanish speaking cats now outnumber their English-speaking felines nearly two to one.  The results came from a study performed by Cat Fancy magazine and were announced last night at PussyFest 2010.

Salem at last night's PussyFest 2010 shocks the world with pro-Mexican Spanish-speaking tirade.More shocking was the announcement that Salem Saberhagen, the cat world's most famous face, has declared himself to be 100% Spanish-speaking even though he spoke perfect English in the Sabrina the Teenage Witch series.  

"Cójale usted los americanos. It's los mexicanos que gobernarán este país e I' enfermo de m de ocultar quién soy. ¡México y nuestro asno del retroceso de la lengua española!," declared Salem as he dined with friends at the event. 

The news has many urban experts concerned with relations between cats and humans.

"There's serious trouble if a restaurant owner goes out to throw some garbage away and finds a bunch of cats rummaging for a meal.  If we waves them away with English-speaking commands, many of the cats are going to be confused and likely suffer a type of discrimination," said New York City mayor, Michael Bloomberg. "We can't have cats lurking around confused."

Mexican leaders claim that they have known for some time that cats were communicating most of the time in Spanish.  

"Oh ya, we knew that they was speaking Spanish, man," said Cheech Marin, a leading Hispanic and famous pot smoker.  "And man, they love it when we blow smoke in their face.  They get all goofy and happy and shit."

Some cat owners are relieved with the news.  Many have been confused for years as to why their cats would never listen and seemed to ignore their dialog.

"I always wondered why Mr. McWiskers would just blankly stare at me whenever I talked to him," stated Betty Lawrence, a Long Island native.  "He would always do the opposite of what I said.  Now, I know that if I learn Spanish and speak to him that way, things are going to get better between us."

Many southwestern cities have been focusing on improving services at humane societies and animal hospitals as it has been speculated that the Spanish-speaking majority has been in place since the nineties.

"Oh, our techs have been doting in Spanish and English for some time," said Phoenix Human Society Executive, Guy Collison. "Our cats are some of the happiest in the nation.  It's purrfect here, if you know what I mean."

ScoopGods.com - Recently, I put on a pair of my favorite shoes and walked on down to the offices of SlapStart.com, a site whose mission in life is to provide reviews and evaluations of startups.  I had been invited to spend the day after I found one of the writers of the site sitting in my car listening to his favorite CD, Kids Bop 5.  It was a bit unsettling knowing a complete stranger had taken it upon himself to break into my car and hotwire it only to use my stereo to listen to marginally-talented kids singing marginally-talented artists' songs, but to make this long story short, he apologized and offered me the chance to come down and see how a real San Francisco business worked.  

Upon entering the offices, I couldn't help to notice the mascot-sized bowl of puffcorn (popcorn without the kernels) sitting in the lobby.  I assumed it was for guests so I joyfully walked up to the bowl to have a bite.  I reached my hand out and suddenly, from within of the cheesy depths, a small man jumped out and whacked me on the wrist with a wooden spoon.  Obviously, I pulled back and looked at the guy and he just glared back at me with a Mickey Goldmill look. (Mickey was Rocky's old guy trainer ... he had a mean stare.)  

Ok, that was a bit of an odd start, but it was still early and perhaps, things would get a little more normal asThe slapstart.com receptionist soon as I meet up with the head honchos.  I turned to the receptionist and she's standing on her desk and looking at me by peering under her legs! [see picture].  Timidly, I asked her if she could let Chris and Mike (the main writers) know that I had arrived but she simply said to me, "As soon as I'm through with this piece of gum."

I tilted my head a bit to the right and watched her.  Not one chew.  Her jaw was lifeless with the exception of her smile.  

Perhaps if I could just find Chris or Mike, things will get better.  That was my thought process as I walked down the hall toward what I believed were offices.  Immediately, I'm struck by the intensely sweet smell of dried fruit and something I couldn't quite make out, something a little funky.  The hallway was dim and after my eyes adjusted, I saw that a mural of Brain Bosworth, the former football player, was dominating the hallway.  Sure enough, the Boz's skin parts were created with fruit snacks and his football uniform, with gym socks, that I assumed used to be worn by the mural's likeness.  I began to feel queasy, those socks had to be over 15 years old!

It was already my weirdest morning ever.   I was really starting to wonder if my day might have been better spent doing something normal such as washing my hands.  Quickly, I continued down to the end of the hallway and found a door, partially opened.  Due to the strangeness I'd been living, I felt it was best to peek through the opening, just to make sure there wasn't a captive gorilla with a stack of throwing pies or something goofy.

Nothing that odd, but to my amazement, I saw one fellow, grasping with his jaw, a nerf basketball hoop.   He's rapidly crumpling up paper, throwing it high into the air and having it go through the hoop and into a garbage can that's duct-taped around his midsection.  Oh, and he's wearing knee-high green socks and a sumo wrester mawashi and humming a tune that I thought was Master of Puppets by Metallica.  In front of him, another dude is holding a paint brush and wooden palette and dressed in full military garb. He's dancing around krump-style, yet, no music is playing and he also wasn't painting a thing.    

Could these be the guys? At the time, I simply wanted to turn and run, but one of the guys spotted me and yelled out, "Hello Mello!"

Almost immediately, both of the men were at the door smiling at me as if they'd never seen another life form besides themselves.  

They said "Hello Mello" again in unison, but this time, in an extremely low voice.  Suddenly, I heard a "beep, beep" and out of nowhere, a grocery cart with some intricate motorized contraptions rolled up to us.  Inside the cart was a small puppet man who was sitting on a bean bag.  I assume a real human was hiding in the bean bag, but I never did find out.  The puppet man started gabbing, very politely I might add, with me about the business.

Morty - Puppet spokesperson for SlapStart.com"Hey there buddy," he started. "Welcome to SlapStart! I'm the spokesperson, Morty, and these two guys are Mike and Chris.  Don't try talking to them, they only communicate through me."

This puzzled me because Mike had invited me to visit using pretty normal communication methods, but Morty seemed like he wouldn't care for such facts and continued to tell me all about how things worked.  

"You see here, this is where they find companies to review," said Morty. I was expecting to see a computer, but instead he shows me 2 9-volt batteries hooked up to a cheap McDonald's Happy Meal handheld racing game.  The game was Sonic The Hedgehog Speedway, although when I looked at the screen, no Sonic could be found. Just a list of what appeared to be new businesses.  

"SLAP!"  What the... I had just been slapped across the face by Mike.

"Listen mister," stated Morty. "These guys do not want you reading privileged information.SlapStart.com obtains their list of businesses to review from this.  They would like you to voluntarily agree to a brain lobotomy now in order to remove any of the names on that list that you might remember."

Oh was I angry.  "But you showed me the stupid thing... you could have warned me," I screamed!

Mike and Chris were now beginning to laugh and began to dance around together in what I would say looked a bit like the Mambo, but I'm no expert on that.  

Without warning, everything went black.  The lights and anything else electrical went off as if the power had been cut.  It was silent except for muffled whispers from Morty.  It sounded as if he was barking coordinates into a walkie-talkie.

"Whump!" Someone hits me with what feels like a pillow.  

"Whump," Another.  "Whump," And another.  Three more times, the pillow hits me.  I stumbled a bit but found myself giggling.  I became disoriented and the pillows kept coming.  Eventually, I was laughing as if I'd gone insane.  

And just like that, the lights came back on and there I was, looking at Chris and Mike who had now changed and were wearing very nice suits.  Their hair was slicked back and each was looking at me with their right eyebrow cocked.

"They would now like you to sign this form and promise that you will rest for at least four days," instructed Morty.  "You may go now."

Boy was I confused.  What time was it?  What just happened?  

Mike grabbed my arm and thrust it behind my back and Chris grabbed my other arm and forced me to sign the form.  Then, both of them lifted me off the ground and carried me to the front door.  Again, in unison, they said "Hello Mello!"  

They turned and marched back down the hall to their office.  I looked at my iPhone and noticed it was 4:30 PM.  Six hours had passed and I had no idea.

That was the strangest day I'd had in a long time.  SlapStart is not your normal company and that means that it's not going to be a boring review site.   You can expect nothing but a unique perspective from this team. After today, I don't think there's any way they could do something that wasn't unique.